Tag Archives: retirement

In a Strange Land: Twelve

It seemed that I had lived my life outside the fold. I entered into exile that way, on my own and without a sense of belonging to any group of like-minded souls. It came as no surprise.

Still, the absence of kinship felt like a vacancy in my life—something missing, something empty. I thought I could get through exile without it, but I thought that “getting through” was not enough, not what it might be.

I could not remember ever feeling a sense of kinship. It had been characteristic of me to be on the outside, a loner. When I was a child, at least since I was about ten years old, I felt estranged from my own family. It was the same for me in school, and maybe it was that way because of my family experience. Aside from a small group of friends, I did not gravitate to any social group. In my working years, I learned to participate with others to the extent my job required some form of teamwork, but I was never close socially with my co-workers. Now years later in exile, I had lost contact with almost all of those few friends from school and work.

Lisea was my companion, but the contentment we shared in our little island home was of a different order than what something inside me was now urging me to find. By ourselves, we did not constitute a kinship. I thought that kinship had to be something outside of ourselves and, as dear and close as it was, outside of our companionship.

Kinship was even something deeper than community. Community represented a negotiated coexistence of groups that had no allegiance to each other beyond choosing to coexist. The essence of community was diversity bound by an unverbalized social compact.

But kinship represented something magnetic, something more profound than community—and more profound than the biology of families whose members were related in blood or in law.

I had not found my kinship, and I did not know where I belonged. I was searching for that place of attachment where the bonds would be natural and enduring. It was not a blood kinship that I sought but a kinship of place and ways of thinking about things.

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Some other stuff for later,

  • 79
    And Moses was content to dwell with the man: and he gave Moses Zipporah his daughter. And she bare him a son, and he called his name Gershom: for he said, I have been a stranger in a strange land. [Exodus 2:21-22] It was the same but different. There was…
  • 79
    There was no turning back from our exile. My life continued. Though living seemed optional, the alternative was complicated as much as it was inevitable. Did I live to avoid the complication of dying? There was more to it than that, I thought. Of course there was. But what was…
  • 78
    There were benefits that came with my exile. Among the benefits was the freedom to go places. A strange incongruity was that the more I thought about going places, the more aware I became of my home and its importance to me. I wanted to go places. I wanted to…

En un País Extraño: Seis

The English version of this post—In a Strange Land: Six—was posted here on February 18, 2017. This spanish translation is my own and may contain errors. I invite native speakers of the language to comment on my errors and to suggest corrections. Aquí está una traducción en español de In a Strange Land: Six. Por favor, hispanohablantes quienes leen mis traducciones, digame de mis errores y sugiera modificaciones a mí.

Hubo beneficios que venían con mi exilio. Entre los beneficios fue la libertad de ir a lugares. Una incongruencia extraña fue que el más que pensé sobre ir a lugares, el más consciente yo me volvia de mi hogar y la importancia de él ti para mí.

Quería ir a lugares. Quería ver paisajes que no podría ver cerca de hogar. Los viajes nutrirían a mi curiosidad sobre el mundo. Todo me interesaba—la geología y geografía, la historia, arqueologia y cultura que fue grabado en el paisaje. Quería tener un poquito de conocimiento sobre las personas quien vivían en otros lugares. Las personas quienes vivieron en otros lugares tuvieron vidas y convicciones que fueron diferente de mis propios y que fueron formado por la tierra a sí misma. Sólo viajes me dejaría saber lugares estar más que imagenes desde fotografías y lineas en un mapa antes de que mi mundo empezó colapsar en encima de mí.

Hubo pocos lugares que no podía ir si yo elegí viajar allá. Hubo pocos lugares que yo podía ir mientras yo fui capaz físicamente y antes de que ella viniera para mí.

Pero el atractivo de mi hogar fue muy fuerte. En mi casa, yo me podía relajo. Hogar fue comodidad. Nuestro casa fue una reflección de nosotros mismos y una obra de nuestro propia arte. Así que comprendí que hubo un elemento de narcisismo en mi afecto para el hogar que yo había construido con Lisea. El caótico orden de nuestro hogar y la imperfecta belleza fueron orden y belleza en nuestros ojos.

Hogar fue nuestro dominio y nuestro refugio. Nuestro casa se había vuelto una pieza de nosotros tanto es así que cuando estabamos lejos de el, nos sentíamos la separación.  En cualquier sitio donde viajamos, nosotros estuvimos atraído de vuelta a nuestro hogar, y siempre nos sentíamos bien llegar allí después de estar lejos.

Para mí fue difícil partir. La mayoría del mundo yo nunca podría ver o saber.

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Some other stuff for later,

  • 79
    The English version of this post—In a Strange Land: Five—was posted here on January 10, 2016. This spanish translation is my own and may contain errors. I invite native speakers of the language to comment on my errors and to suggest corrections. Aquí está una traducción en español de In…
  • 76
    The English version of this post—In a Strange Land: One—was posted here on October 4, 2016. This Spanish translation is my own and may contain errors. I invite native speakers of the language to comment on my errors and to suggest corrections. Aquí está una traducción en español de In…
  • 72
    It seemed that I had lived my life outside the fold. I entered into exile that way, on my own and without a sense of belonging to any group of like-minded souls. It came as no surprise. Still, the absence of kinship felt like a vacancy in my life—something missing,…